I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He has the fingertips of a God
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