ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
