nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize