He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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