Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
