so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
