i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
