you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
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