just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
