Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
