physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I supernannyed him into submission
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
