Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
This is my life. Enjoy the view
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
