I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
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