I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
