sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
