smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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