it was like his penis was on wheels.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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