Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
