They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
no you cant smoke seaweed
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
