Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
