she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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