I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
