Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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