i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
