did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He better not be in your backpack
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Randomize
