Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
