I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
