We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize