I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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