Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
