I wish I could punch you in the face.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
