I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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