I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
