Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
