fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize