its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I just sucked dick on a ferry
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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