i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
