My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
