her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
