What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
