when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
