Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize