So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
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four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
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