in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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