its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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