my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
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I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
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Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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