it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
