I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
