you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
