im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
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mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
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She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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