Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize