i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just found a bag of teeth...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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