Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
