I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
