I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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