So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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