you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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