This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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