i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
