it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
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