i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize